PIF: Week Three Results

Hello again football fans,

Ah, here's my old friend. This fellow to my left has been watching over Politically Incorrect Football since 2005. Many ignorant rednecks who do not know any better might think this guy is an Arab Muslim, but in fact he is a Sikh of Indian descent. It's possible that by the time I die, there could be two BILLION Indians on earth. My goal is to recruit all of them to become Redskins fans, and this good man ought to be their role model.

I recovered a little bit this week, but ugh, what a tough week to watch. Fortunately, several friends were made at the sports pub this week, and commiseration ensued. Lots of commiseration. Here's how it went:

Prediction: GIANTS 35, TITANS 24

Result: TITANS 29, GIANTS 10

This was just a bad pick. I swear, I'm losing my touch in my old age. I apologize, football fans.

Prediction: BENGALS 20, PANTHERS 10

Result: BENGALS 20, PANTHERS 7

Nailed it. Jimmy Clausen, however, did not nail his debut.

Prediction: STEELERS 26, BUCCANEERS 3

Result: STEELERS 38, BUCCANEERS 13

Pittsburgh continues to scrape the bottom of the barrel for quarterbacks who can give the people of Pittsburgh something to cheer about from the bottom of their black lungs. The Buccaneers are as exposed like so many University of South Florida women paying their way through grad school.

Prediction: PATRIOTS 47, BILLS 10 ***BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK***

Result: PATRIOTS 38, BILLS 30

I watched this game with a Patriots fan. So he knew who Danny Woodhead was. He pointed him out to me. Danny Woodhead is from North Platte, NE. He is splitting time at running back for the Patriots. And he is white as the south side of a Russian's tan line. A white running back. Who starts. At running back. Named Woodhead.

Prediction: BROWNS 13, RAVENS 10

Result: RAVENS 24, BROWNS 17

I'm giving myself a tie for this one. I knew the Browns were going to lose. But what was heartwarming about this game was Browns RB Peyton Hillis, who ran for 144 and a TD. White guy. Not making that up. He is a white running back. Not a fullback, a running back. Ironically playing for the Browns.

Prediction: CHIEFS 21, 49ERS 17

Result: CHIEFS, 49ERS 10

The Chiefs are one of two undefeated teams left in the AFC. If you saw that coming you A) have a last name that rhymes with "schmostradamus", B) own a modified DeLorean, or C) are a homer from Kansas City. If you predicted them to beat the 49ers, you're almost as awesome as I am. And by awesome I mean lonely.

Prediction: TEXANS 42, COWBOYS 21

Result: COWBOYS 27, TEXANS 13

Screw it, I really don't feel like talking about Texas right now.

Prediction: LIONS 22, VIKINGS 18 ***UPSET OF THE WEEK***

Result: VIKINGS 24, LIONS 10

Tuning in to watch the Lions win a game is harder than trying to find a job with a successful start-up business in Detroit. 

Prediction: SAINTS 24, FALCONS 20 ***GAME OF THE WEEK***

Result: FALCONS 27, SAINTS 24 (OT)

Around halftime, some douchebag bandwagon Saints fan barges into the pub and complains that the Saints game isn't on any of the TVs. And of course, he kept screaming "WHO DAT" every time Drew Brees completed a one yard pass. Now, my dear fans, I rarely root against the Saints. And I never root for the Falcons. But this guy changed all that. Needless to say, when the Saints blocked the FG in overtime, we were chanting "Who dat call a time out to ice the kicker?"

Prediction: REDSKINS 31, RAMS 13

Result: RAMS 30, REDSKINS 16

Of the Rams' whopping seven wins in the last 3+ seasons, two of them are against the Redskins. That is your-mother-is-Courtney-Love embarrassing.

Prediction: EAGLES 23, JAGUARS 14

Result: EAGLES 28, JAGUARS 3

Was ANYONE at this game? Anyone? I've got a challenge for you. If you were at this game and you can prove it, I'll give you my car. Seriously.I'm not worried though, because NOBODY was at this game. And I don't actually own a car, but that's beside the point.

Prediction: COLTS 28, BRONCOS 7

Result: COLTS 27, BRONCOS 13

Nothing surprising here. Peyton Manning, three touchdowns. Move along.

Prediction: CARDINALS 20, RAIDERS 15 ***WEEK THREE MISERA-BOWL***

Result: CARDINALS 24, RAIDERS 23

If you watched this game, you'll never get those three hours of your life back. But chances are you live in Phoenix or Oakland, in which case the faster you can make the time fly byu towards sweet, sweet death, the better I suppose.

Prediction: CHARGERS 23, SEAHAWKS 14

Result: SEAHAWKS 27, CHARGERS 20

Pete Carroll is bringing a bit of life to the Pacific Northwest. Seahawks fans are coming out of the woodwork. And there's a lot of woods up there. I heard Sasquatch now owns a Lofa Tatupu jersey. But then I heard that Lofa Tatupu IS Sasquatch.

Prediction: DOLPHINS 19, JETS 17

Result: JETS 31, DOLPHINS 23

Jimmy and Joe flew from New York City down here to Miami to see the game. While at the bar, they bought several rounds of drinks for the two Patriots fans there with us. Their good karma was rewarded with an excellent game and a Jets win. If I teach you one thing, my dear football fans, it's that football fan karma does exist, and it's why the Philadelphia Eagles haven't won the Super Bowl.

Prediction: PACKERS 38, BEARS 35

Result: BEARS 20, PACKERS 17Another white guy at running back. And folks, when I decided to bring back Politically Incorrect Football this season, I promised myself I'd tone down the racial jokes. But come on... a white running back named Kuhn? Well, that joke writes itself.

Rookie of the Week: (tie) Patriots TE duo Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski are turning into Tom Brady's favorite targets.

Surprise Player of the Week: Three, count them, three white tailbacks are either starting or splitting time: Browns' Peyton Hillis, Patriots' Danny Woodhead, and Packers' John Kuhn.

Tough Guy of the Week: Titans LB Stephen Tulloch racked up 13 tackles in the win over the Giants

Terrell Owens Memorial Asshole of the Week: The jackasses at the pub who stole some of Chrisco's beer and then tried to eat my chicken wings. Come on, man, really?

Bust of the Week: Saints kicker Garret Hartley blows another short kick. His days are numbered.

Celebration of the Week: Saints Fan Guy who thought the Saints blocked an overtime field goal only to find that their coach had called a time out to ice the kicker.

Special Teams Player of the Week: Leon Washington of the Seahawks ran back two kickoffs for touchdowns that made the difference in their win over San Diego

Defensive of the Week: Chiefs' LB Tamba Hali had three sacks and two tackles for losses to help the Chiefs become one of only three undefeated teams left in the league.

Offensive of the Week: Colts WR Austin Collie caught 12 passes for 171 yards and two touchdowns

Stick a Fork In: the San Francisco 49ers 

This Week: 7-8-1

Last Week: 6-10

Season: 24-23-1

And on a somber note, all time NFL Great George Blanda, who played for four teams across four decades, 1949-1976, passed away Monday. Even Brett Favre won't reach pro-football longevity like that. He played with several men who weren't even born his rookie season, and he will be missed. He was 83. 

Next week is a big week with some serious rivalries, so make sure you check back Friday for the goods. Until then, have a good week, and happy football.

Your source for crappy football picks,

Davemurphy