PIF: Week Two Results

Helmet throwing. Quarterback hating. Heart breaking. Week Two had it all and more. The flukes were separated from the not-so-flukes. And I put on at least three pounds thanks to the chicken wings at Mike's at the Venetia. I know no one reading this is in Florida, but I'm plugging it anyway. So I forgot my usual disclaimer, but I hope none of you used my picks as the basis for any actual cash wager. Here's how it all went down.

Prediction: PACKERS 31, BILLS 7

Result: PACKERS 34, BILLS 7

Wow, hit the nail right on the head with that one, didn't I? Trent Edwards is playing like someone hit a nail into his head.

Prediction: VIKINGS 20, DOLPHINS 13

Result: DOLPHINS 14, VIKINGS 10

I really shouldn't be picking against my adopted AFC team. Lesson learned.

Prediction: CHIEFS 42, BROWNS 20

Result: CHIEFS 16, BROWNS 14

Okay, so not the shootout I predicted. But a win is a win, and KC is 2-0

Prediction: BEARS 17, COWBOYS 16

Result: BEARS 27, COWBOYS 20

See? Bad karma. All that oil money and urban sprawl... you need to change your ways, Dallas!

Prediction: CARDINALS 23, FALCONS 17

Result: FALCONS 41, CARDINALS 7

Sigh. I picked the Cards to win the Super Bowl. This is why you don't bet on my picks.

Prediction: PANTHERS 30, BUCCANEERS 13

Result: BUCCANEERS 20, PANTHERS 7

I don't know if anyone noticed, but I snuck in and played a few snaps at QB for the Panthers.

Prediction: LIONS 23, EAGLES 14 ***UPSET OF THE WEEK***

Result: EAGLES 35, LIONS 32

I almost gave myself a tie for this one, but the truth is I underestimated how good people have it in prison these days.

Prediction: RAVENS 31, BENGALS 13

Result: BENGALS 15, RAVENS 10

Ray Lewis cries about quarterbacks who cry. Stay up, Ray.

Prediction: TITANS 21, STEELERS 17

Result: STEELERS 19, TITANS 11

The Steelers are 2-0 despite having -2 people on their depth chart at quarterback.

Prediction: SEAHAWKS 34, BRONCOS 0 ***BLOWOUT OF THE WEEK***

Result: BRONCOS 31, SEAHAWKS 14

Oh, come on! This was a sure thing! As sure as rain and crippling depression in Seattle!

Prediction: RAMS 26, RAIDERS 18 ***WEEK TWO MISERA-BOWL***

Result: RAIDERS 16, RAMS 14

If I had known the Raiders would have benched Jason Campbell, I would have seen this coming. 

Prediction: REDSKINS 24, TEXANS 20

Result: TEXANS 30, REDSKINS 27 (OT)

When the Skins were up 27-10 in the third quarter, I leaned over to another Skins fan at the bar and said "I could get used to this!" Good thing I didn't.

Prediction: JETS 27, PATRIOTS 21

Result: JETS 28, PATRIOTS 14

Tom Brady at one point threw 8 consecutive incomplete passes, a career record. Tom, cut your hair. You are the anti-Samson.

Prediction: CHARGERS 35, JAGUARS 17

Result: CHARGERS 38, JAGUARS 13

The Jags had six turnovers. That's one for every fan in Jacksonville who was watching the game.

Prediction: GIANTS 27, COLTS 24

Result: COLTS 38, GIANTS 14

Afterwards, Peyton gave Eli a wedgie and stole his Halloween candy.

Prediction: SAINTS 49, 49ERS 21

Result: SAINTS 25, 49ERS 22

Jerry Rice saw his jersey retired. And his team fall to 0-2.

Rookie of the Week: Jhavid Best kept the Lions in the fight with 78 yards rushing, 154 yards receiving, and three touchdowns

Surprise Player of the Week: In relief of an injured Michael Turner, Falcons RB Jason Snelling filled in nicely with 129 yards and two touchdowns.

Tough Guy of the Week: Packers LB Clay Matthews racked up three sacks for the second week in a row. He is on pace for 48 sacks this season.

Terrell Owens Memorial Asshole of the Week: The ref who thinks this is tripping a quarterback (50 seconds in).

Bust of the Week: Cardinals QB Derek Anderson looked ugly. Raiders fans ugly. Mike Ditka in his pajamas ugly. 7-41 ugly. Honorable mention to Raiders QB Jason Campbell, who was also benched.

Celebration of the Week: Packers QB Aaron Rodgers' white boy attempt at the Lambeau Leap

Special Teams Player of the Week: Texans' Bernard Pollard blocked a crucial late-game field goal during the Texans' improbable comeback. Pollard is also famous for knocking Tom Brady out for the entire 2008 season.

Defensive Player of the Week: Brandon Flowers ran back an interception for the decisive touchdown in the Chiefs' win over Cleveland.

Offensive Player of the Week: (tie) QB's Matt Schaub and Donovan McNabb combined for over 900 yards passing in the overtime shootout in Washington.

Stick a Fork In: The Cardinals, Raiders QB Jason Campbell, Wade Phillips, Eli's bragging rights, Jacksonville having a football team.

This week: 6-10

Last Week: 11-5

Season:  17-15

You're minding your own business and boom, the NFL season is one eighth over. Hang in there, my loyal fans. And don't fret, I'll bounce back from 6-10 the way Dan Snyder delusionally tells Redskins fans that their team will each year. Since I started Politically Incorrect Football in 2002, my worst week was 4-12. So this wasn't the worst, but it was close. See you later this week with the picks.