Can y'all shut up for a second

Shut up.

Seriously. Shut up. You are ruining basketball for me.

Here is how: LeBron James. Clutch. Kobe. Dirk. Jordan.

And guess what? Every single argument you even dare to consider in that tiny little pea brain of yours, stuck in its paleolithic search for gratification, has been fought and won by the other side. No matter what side you take. You can argue until you are Oklahoma City Thunder blue in the face but you are dead wrong. Your heroes have their antecedents, who were also heroes. Learn your history.

Don't tell me that 6 for 24 is Finals MVP worthy. Don't tell me that 5 rings vs. none is an argument. Don't tell me the dunk contest isn't fixed.

Don't tell me this isn't the prisoner's dilemma + professional wrestling.

You're wrong. Get over it.

And just so you know, there's a difference between having a post game and taking advantage of having a post game. You don't have to believe or parrot everything you read.

Artest wants to go "Metta"

Oh Ron Ron, you so Crazy.

As not to be outdone by a bunch of unproven 20 year old draftees, our favorite NBA crazy (sorry Andray Blatche), made news yesterday when he filed a petition to legally change is name to Metta World Peace. Doesn't that picture just scream kindness, love and peace to you?

WTF?



 

Congrats to the Washington Nationals

The Nats won tonight. It was their 15th win in the last 21 games. They currently stand at 37-37, and, were the season to end today, would be five games out of the wild card slot and tied with Pittsburgh and Colorado.

I still haven't figured out what a National is, or what Nationals are... unlike, say, Twins, Pirates, Yankees, Cardinals, Orioles, etc.

Anyways, back to the Nats - they have won ten of eleven and, over the last 10 games, are tied with the Twins for the best record in baseball. Sadly, I was present for that one loss, to the Orioles, who have a much more glorious past but are also attempting to climb to .500. Thanks, Gorzelanny for ruining Fathers' Day.

Bye Bye Rambis

I'll admit it, I've been in the "fire Rambis" camp since he was hired by the Timberwolves. But, David Kahn is an enigma. Is Kahn the prototype of a new type of sports exec? I'll save that for another time, but the word on the street (or internet, as I'm inside) is that Rambis is gone gone gone. That means the Timberwolves will no longer be hamstrung by Rambis's inability to articulate the triangle offense nor certain players' inability to comprehend their roles in the triangle offense. It also means that there will, ideally, be fewer baffling decisions regarding Kevin Love.

Asians in the NBA Who Aren't Named "Yao"

It is a well-known fact that while many East Asians hold baseball closest to their hearts (esp. those in Japan, South Korea, and Taiwan), Asian Americans love them some bball. So, as a supposed Asian American, I thought I should share a couple of news items about Asians in the NBA who are not named "Yao."

1)

Rich Cho, first Asian American GM in the NBA, signs on as GM of Charlotte Bobcats. A quick turnaround, considering he was only very recently fired by the Portland Trailblazers.

Cho acknowledged he "didn't see it coming" when the Blazers fired him. President Larry Miller said it was because of "chemistry issues," believed to be with owner Paul Allen. Cho declined to address the issue, saying he didn't want to "dwell on the past."

Cho will move from one celeb-owner to another: the Bobcats are owned by Greatest Ever and Known Asshole Michael Jordan.

2)

Pre-LeBrowndown II: Revenge of the Mavs, ESPN had a lengthy and interesting profile of the first Asian American head coach in any of America's Big Four sports (one day, MLS, one day...), Erik Spoelstra of the always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride Team LePippen... I mean, Miami Heat The mystery guest has arrived. Spoelstra is Filipino American. From angry asian man, where I saw the piece first:

The piece follows Spoelstra's beginnings growing up in Portland and playing basketball in college, to working his way up through the Miami Heat organization as a young man, before being named head coach in 2008. Consensus seems to be clear -- the guy works his ass off, and the work has paid off.

Didn't pay off in a ring, though! Just kidding. Don't be too hard on our Pinoy brother; LeBrondown II was entirely the King's fault.

3)

The Great Yellow Hope, (sometimes) Golden State Warrior Jeremy Lin, gets a profile on Hyphen Magazine's blog: Jeremy Lin's Rookie Season with the Golden State Warriors. It was a rough start, but things are looking up for the Bay Area-native:

I thought that it was pretty neat that Lin was getting a lot of attention, but as a fan, I worried that it might be too much for a third-string rookie point guard. It seemed like that it had an effect on him early in the season. Lin underperformed and was sent to the Developmental League on a few occasions during the season to focus on improving his game.

It took a while, but Lin was able to bounce back. When he was called back up to the roster in late March, Lin saw increased playing time. During the team’s final regular season game, he broke out with his best performance.

Against the Portland Trailblazers, Lin logged in a season-high 24 minutes while recording 12 points, five assists, five rebounds and two steals in the winning effort. He had come a long way to get this point, and it was a great way to end an incredible journey.

Lin appeared in 29 games overall in his debut year with the Warriors. His minutes increased towards the end of the season, and he started playing with the team’s second unit. He will have to carry over that momentum into an impressive summer to show the Warriors’ coaching staff that he’s ready to be a valuable role player.

The story also has a link to an interview Hyphen did with Lin last year.

Marc Jackson

You know what I love most about this time of year in sports?  The NBA Finals? No.  The Stanley Cup Final? No.  The French Open? Maybe (but only if the woman's final features two amazingly attractive ladies, or boob slippage).

Seriously though, what I really love is all the coverage that surrounds unproven coaches getting jobs with NBA teams.  So imagine my delight when I read this morning that Marc Jackson got the Golden State Job. Good for you Marc Jackson, Good for you!

The only question I have is whether or not Marc is going to be another former Knick player who wanted to coach for the Blue and Orange but was passed up by management and goes on to have a stellar, if not hall of fame coaching career.  Let's look at some members of the list:  Phil Jackson, Doc Rivers, Monty Williams, Patrick Ewing (someday), Charles Oakley (if he didn't get beaten by security guards in Vegas ... yup we love you Oak)......

So here's to you Marc Jackson and your team of non-defense playing misfits!

The NHL playoffs just got a little more interesting

Last night the Boston Bruins scored the lone goal in an exciting game 7 and secured their position as the Eastern Conference champs. They are now on their way to meet the Vancouver Canucks in the Stanley Cup finals. I'm a huge hockey fan, but this post-season I have been more intrigued with the NBA than the NHL. I have no affection for any of the final four teams - Vancouver Canucks vs. San Jose Sharks in the west; Boston Bruins vs. Tampa Bay Lightning in the east. Who cares? I can't get excited about any of these teams and the drama in the NBA playoffs has been irresistible. After last night, the NHL got a whole lot more interesting. I still don't have any strong feelings about Vancouver or Boston, but goalie-for-goalie, this could prove to be an amazing series.

The goalie matchup for the Stanley Cup finals is Roberto Luongo for Vancouver and Tim Thomas for Boston. Both are nominated for the Vezina trophy for their regular-season performance this season, and it is not the first nomination for either. Thomas won in 2009, Luongo has previously been nominated twice, losing to future Hall-of-Famer Martin Brodeur both years. They have both made All-Star appearances and have proven themselves to be among the best goaltenders in the NHL. Despite all of these accolades, this is the closest either of them have ever been to securing their name on the Stanley Cup.

Luongo and Thomas have strikingly similar statistics over the past few seasons, and they have both proven themselves to be outstanding goaltenders. But it is also their reputations that make for a spectacular matchup. Both goalies are consistently inconsistent. I have seen them both on top of their game, worthy of the Stanley Cup. I have also seen them both choke on huge games when it mattered most, to the point where I had to wonder if they just had problems performing under pressure. Every great goalie gets lit up from time to time. Even Brodeur (who has won the Vezina 4 out of the last 7 seasons) has broken the hearts of New Jersey Devils fans by allowing repeated soft goals. Every goalie has a bad day. Until now, it has seemed that Luongo and Thomas have a bad day at the most inopportune times. So far this season they have led their teams through the conference finals. If they are both on their game, this could be a hard-fought seven-game series. If one or both of them buckle under pressure, it could be a heartbreaking series.

After a month of apathy, I am rejuvenated and looking forward to watch two of the best goalies in the league battle it out for the Stanley Cup. I still don't have any affection toward either team, but I have to pull for Tim Thomas in this battle. Luongo was chosen #4 overall in the 1997 NHL draft and began his NHL career in 2000. Thomas was not exactly on the same fast-track. Thomas was selected in the 9th round in 1994, #217 overall. Despite being five years older than Luongo (almost to the day, Luongo was born April 4, 1979 - Thomas on April 15, 1974,) Thomas had a longer wait to get the call up to the NHL. Thomas put in his time in the minors and overseas until securing his place as the Bruins netminder in 2005. Thomas also grew up in the deteriorating city of Flint, Michigan. How can you not pull for this guy?

The Stanley Cup finals begin on Wednesday, June 1st and games will be broadcast on either NBC or VS.

Most NFL players are not "millionaires"

Now that the NFL lockout is back in force and everyone and their dog is getting back in on what they think a "reasonable" compromise would be to get to a 2011-2012 season, I don't want to hear anymore of this "billionaires vs. millionaires" stuff. Most NFL players are not millionaires:

• Average NFL player salary: $1.9 million

• Median NFL player salary: $770,000

• Average NFL career length: 3.5 years

This means that most NFL players are making $2,695,000 for their *entire career*, which would come to a bit over $89,000 a year for a standard 30-year career (It's actually probably a lot less than that, since they'll get taxed at a higher rate for those years that they're playing). By no means are these folks impoverished, but they're also not "millionaires" in the way that most Americans think of that these days.

This is all before talking about dramatically above average medical costs (the NFL does not cover former player's medical costs, though it does help fund a heart screening program with other league and player affiliated organizations), increased risk of certain chronic and degenerative diseases, and an average of 2-3 years life expectancy lost for every season played.

Next sales approach: Buy Timberwolves tickets or we will punch a kitten in the face

The Business of Sports has published some current incentives from NBA teams struggling to sign up new season ticket holders for the 2011-2012 season. While I confess that I was sold by the Washington Wizards 3-year price guarantee and enthusiastically recruited others to go in on tickets with myself and fellow JB Sports Chat blogger, Beau, I must admit - we didn't get nearly as good of a deal as the Timberwolves fans. On the plus side, we only have to watch the Timberwolves once. They have to see them every night.

The Minnesota Timberwolves and the Houston Rockets are both using the same incentive of a "Pay the Pick" pricing offer. The final price will be determined by the results of the NBA Draft Lottery tomorrow. If their team draws the #1 pick, season ticket holders pay $1 per game. If they draw the #2 pick, $2 per game, and so on. This is less of an incentive for Houston, who narrowly missed the playoffs and have only 5 chances for a top 3 pick in the lottery and probability leaves them with the 14th selection. Minnesota finished with the worst record in the league for the 2010-2011 season, leaving them with 250 lottery chances. At best they will win the #1 pick, but worst case scenario will leave the Pay the Pick price at $4 per game. Coincidentally, $4 per is the same price the tickets sell for on eBay whenever the Wolves visit the Verizon Center.

While I would love to get away with paying $43 for a full season + 2 pre-season games to see the Wizards, I still feel good about our investment. For $16 per ticket, we have great seats in the upper level, fairly close to the center of the court. That's a bit overpriced to watch the Wizards play the Timberwolves, but an insanely low price to watch the Lakers, Heat, and the Celtics. With Ted Leonsis calling the shots and a little added luck from sending John Wall to the Draft Lottery in drag, we've got a good chance at building a decent team in the next few years. And hell, even if we don't - $16 is still a bargain to watch NBA basketball. Unless of course you're driving around in the bitter Minnesota winter to see the Timberwolves. Loyal T-wolves fans, I salute you!

Will Ochocinco last ocho seconds?

You've got to hand it to Chad Ochocinco. Even in the middle of a lockout, he manages to keep himself in the spotlight. After a short-lived attempt at a soccer career, number 85 has moved on to new challenges. Earlier this month he accepted a challenge from Professional Bull Riders to try his hand at riding a bull. If he stays on for 8 seconds, he'll get to name the bull. If he gets thrown off, breaks every bone in his body and jeopardizes his $6 million next season in the NFL... well, if anyone can go through all of that and still land on their feet, it's Ochocinco.

Does he really mean literally?

JetMan!

The JetMan has done it again.  This time flying over the Grand Cannon.  Check out the video here!  I don't know if this is really sports related, but it was just to f'ing cool not to post!

Below is a video of JetMan "jetting" across the English Channel!

New Look Wizards

While Kathleen pointed out big things afoot with the Wizards' sartorial sensibilities, I have to step in and point out that the new jerseys are... AWESOME. From the Wizards' store:

The throwback font with the lower case reference to the Bullets, the retro horizontal stripes, mmm, nice jersey.

And... in case you really want to go retro...

The Red & the Wall: The New Wizards

Something big is happening to the Washington Wizards franchise and I will give you a hint: It does not begin with winning basketball games. Not yet, anyway. Of course that's their ultimate goal, but that's going to take some time. They have to begin by improving upon their previous season record. The good news is, finishing the 2010-2011 season at .280 should make improvement a viable option.

For weeks I have been receiving emails from the Washington Wizards like the one I received today:

Tomorrow the Wizards will Rock the Red, and hopefully begin to resemble the Washington Capitals franchise in other ways as well. The owner is now the same, the colors will soon be the same, the #1 draft pick to build the team around seems hauntingly familiar as well. (Although I'm hard-pressed to find many more similarities between Alex Ovechkin and John Wall.) Soon we can look forward to the Wizards following the Caps footsteps and dominate throughout the regular NBA season so that they can roll over in the playoffs and shamefully lose to lower seeded teams.

Even apathetic goals like that will have to wait a couple more years.

I give the Wizards credit for their rebranding efforts. Even without the talk of a likely NBA lockout beginning in July, the Wizards are a tough sell. DC loves a winner and even on the rare occasions when they made it to the post-season, the franchise has only seen past the first round of the playoffs once since 1982. To generate season ticket sales, the Wizards are currently guaranteeing a 3-year price freeze. If you buy a ticket package this year, you are guaranteed that the price will not increase until after the 2013-2014 season has ended. I know several Capitals season ticket holders who wish they had a deal like that back in 2007 when the Caps began Rocking the Red again!

After the excitement of the color change, it won't be long before we learn more about what is in store for the new Wizards. The NBA Draft Lottery is one week away on May 17, 2011. The NBA Draft is in June.

Russell Westbrook

In watching Saturday's Thunder/Memphis game I was shocked not by the fact that the Grizz won, they have been playing some of the best basketball in the NBA since the all-star break.  What really got me was the play of Mr. Westbrook and Durant's reaction to the whole thing.

Three things are very clear to even the most casual NBA fan.  (1) Westbrook is a very good NBA player.  (2)  Kevin Durant is a transcendent NBA player (arguably the best at scoring the basketball on the planet). (3)  There is NO reason why with 4 minutes left in the fourth, and Memphis making a run, Westbrook should be trying to carry the OKC offense.


Now if every fan can see these three clear truths, why can't Westbrook?  The Mind of an NBA Point Guard has a a few answers to that questions. 

Unfortunately, he doesn’t know who he is, and that’s a problem. But the bigger problem is that he doesn’t realize who he is playing with.
He is playing with the greatest scorer on earth. All Westbrook needs to do is put pressure on the other team by providing the THREAT of scoring. In a perfect world, the ball runs through Kevin Durant, and as soon as the defense over-commits to him, the ball swings to Westbrook who makes them pay.

Norm Macdonald is afraid of black people

Norm Macdonald has a sports show on Comedy Central. JB Sports Chat hockey writer, DC fan, neighbor and friend Kathleen introduced me to his show this evening. We watched about an episode, maybe two. It was bad. This came up because, earlier, while in the process of buying 2011-2012 season tickets to the Washington Wizards, Kathleen noted that the ticket salesman felt that John Wall had been robbed of the Rookie of the Year Award, which went to Blake Griffin. I found this delusional at best given Wall's green light, and a quick discussion of Griffin's unrelenting fury ensued. Anyhow, Griffin appeared on Macdonald's show, and we watched his appearance. It was funny, but, like many jokes on the show, dragged on too long. It was after a number of middling attempts at topical sports humor that Macdonald's weird fear of black people became apparent, and trumped his one-liners for my attention.

In multiple jokes and skits, Macdonald played to racial stereotypes of black males. He wielded racial tropes without finesse, satire, or social commentary. Instead, he invested his jokes in those tropes. To put it bluntly, he was racist. Obviously, calling someone a racist these days invokes an immediate backlash from whites stating that acknowledging race and cultural differences isn't the same as racism, and maybe it shouldn't matter since it was harmless and in good fun.

For example, Danny Granger, a black forward for the Indiana Pacers, referred to Joakim Noah, a mixed race center for the Chicago Bulls, as a coward. Noah's mom was Miss Sweden. Macdonald stated that those are fighting words where he comes from, but he's *insert typical Norm Macdonald sarcasm here* "not sure" what that means in the "black community." The audience is meant to supply the punchline - but what is that punchline? The joke, for the unaware, or the racist NBA fan (weird, no?), is that what?, someone will be shot since black culture is gun/crime/gang culture when it comes to stereotyping? While there were plenty of other jokes to be made, and sarcastic ones at that, Macdonald opted for the joke that implies a stereotype.

At another time on his show, Macdonald made (at least) two comments (or were they jokes?) regarding the boxer Shane Mosley and his upcoming fight with multi-weight champion Manny Pacquiao. Both jokes were predicated on Macdonald's "belief" that black fighters are better than lighter skinned fighters. Both jokes were predicated on a long-held racist fear in white America: black people are physically stronger than white people, but do not have the moral or intellectual wherewithal to participate in a just society.



I'm no Tim Wise, but I think Norm Macdonald is afraid of black people. Then again, most racists are.

Ever Wonder How to Squander a Large Fortune?

Have you ever asked yourself the question: How could somebody make $100 million and have absolutely nothing to show for it in less than 10 years? Isn't the impossibility of doing this what made Brewster's Millions so darn funny?

(That and Pryor teaming up with John Candy. On a side note, how much money on crack and cocaine do you think they spent between the two of them? Over or under a million?)

Well these 15 men can tell you! (As a hint, start by buying a tiger, leasing a yacht, and marrying at least 3 women without a prenup.)

Did anybody find my $400 million?

Overstock.com! Coliseum

Oh Al Davis, you senile old man! Is $7.2 million really worth naming your stadium Overstock.com Coliseum? I would say that is a big fat resounding NO! Readers, why don't we all pool our pennies and buy ourselves some stadium naming rights? J.B. Sports on the side of a stadium would be nice. Or would we go absurd like a crazy celebrity and name the stadium Apple Tomato Parsley Vodka Field? Hmmmm... too many possibilities.

Polls!

Who has a worse beard: James Harden or Brian Wilson?

Who would you be more afraid to leave your children with for an hour: Mike Tyson or Ron Artest?

Who has the worst tattoos: Bird Man (Chris Anderson) or Dennis Rodman?

These are the hard hitting poll questions that you can expect to see on J.B. Sports. To make them work, however, and to keep me motivated to keep posting, we need YOU to vote on the polls and vote often.

Oh, and poll suggestions would be great too!

Keywords: Washington Capitals, New York Rangers, and Crazy

According to the Sporting News, Rangers Left Wing and resident whiner Sean Avery claims that Capitals Center Brooks Laich bit him during Saturday's game. On D.C. Sports Bog, Dan Steinberg posted a video of the alleged incident. It's hard to tell when Avery's glove came off. According to a quote by Laich on the Sports Bog,

“And [Avery’s] fingers were in my mouth, and I remember thinking about that, that I’m not [going to be] stupid about biting a player. He was trying to eye gouge me, he was sticking his fingers in my mouth. But that play happened to me where somebody bit me and I thought it was a low, disrespectful, gutless play, and I’m not gonna do that.”

I'm sure we all side with Avery on this one. Hockey has really gone downhill. It used to be the kind of game where you could gouge someone's eyeball and stick your fingers in their mouth without worrying about them pulling a low-class move like clenching their teeth together.

In other news of the crazy, former Capitals Left Wing Donald Brashear was picked up by the Rangers for the 2009-2010 season and has been playing for Canada's LNAH for the current season. According to wikipedia, "...the LNAH is not known for its skill level. Its teams employ many enforcers and has a rather infamous reputation for on-ice antics that mostly include fisticuffs." A close friend and lifelong hockey fan described this league to me as , "Basically MMA on skates."

It should come as no surprise then that Donald Brashear has a deal to try his hand at cage fighting. This looks to be a logical career move for Brashear. He will likely do very well at MMA since it does not require puck handling. It definitely seems to match up his talents better than being a winger in the NHL.

Cuban hit in the face

From the AP, Mark Cuban, owner of the Dallas Mavericks, was hit in the face during Game 3 of the Mavs-Blazers series. Mark Cuban owns Synergy Sports, which provides statistical analysis to teams around the league. Though the Elias Sports Bureau may disagree, and no doubt Abbott is kicking himself for not doing this himself, it's clear that, in playoff games against the Portland Trailblazers where Mark Cuban is hit in the face, the Mavericks lose.

In other news, Andre Miller lost his gum.