Asians in the NBA Who Aren't Named "Yao"

It is a well-known fact that while many East Asians hold baseball closest to their hearts (esp. those in Japan, South Korea, and Taiwan), Asian Americans love them some bball. So, as a supposed Asian American, I thought I should share a couple of news items about Asians in the NBA who are not named "Yao."

1)

Rich Cho, first Asian American GM in the NBA, signs on as GM of Charlotte Bobcats. A quick turnaround, considering he was only very recently fired by the Portland Trailblazers.

Cho acknowledged he "didn't see it coming" when the Blazers fired him. President Larry Miller said it was because of "chemistry issues," believed to be with owner Paul Allen. Cho declined to address the issue, saying he didn't want to "dwell on the past."

Cho will move from one celeb-owner to another: the Bobcats are owned by Greatest Ever and Known Asshole Michael Jordan.

2)

Pre-LeBrowndown II: Revenge of the Mavs, ESPN had a lengthy and interesting profile of the first Asian American head coach in any of America's Big Four sports (one day, MLS, one day...), Erik Spoelstra of the always-the-bridesmaid-never-the-bride Team LePippen... I mean, Miami Heat The mystery guest has arrived. Spoelstra is Filipino American. From angry asian man, where I saw the piece first:

The piece follows Spoelstra's beginnings growing up in Portland and playing basketball in college, to working his way up through the Miami Heat organization as a young man, before being named head coach in 2008. Consensus seems to be clear -- the guy works his ass off, and the work has paid off.

Didn't pay off in a ring, though! Just kidding. Don't be too hard on our Pinoy brother; LeBrondown II was entirely the King's fault.

3)

The Great Yellow Hope, (sometimes) Golden State Warrior Jeremy Lin, gets a profile on Hyphen Magazine's blog: Jeremy Lin's Rookie Season with the Golden State Warriors. It was a rough start, but things are looking up for the Bay Area-native:

I thought that it was pretty neat that Lin was getting a lot of attention, but as a fan, I worried that it might be too much for a third-string rookie point guard. It seemed like that it had an effect on him early in the season. Lin underperformed and was sent to the Developmental League on a few occasions during the season to focus on improving his game.

It took a while, but Lin was able to bounce back. When he was called back up to the roster in late March, Lin saw increased playing time. During the team’s final regular season game, he broke out with his best performance.

Against the Portland Trailblazers, Lin logged in a season-high 24 minutes while recording 12 points, five assists, five rebounds and two steals in the winning effort. He had come a long way to get this point, and it was a great way to end an incredible journey.

Lin appeared in 29 games overall in his debut year with the Warriors. His minutes increased towards the end of the season, and he started playing with the team’s second unit. He will have to carry over that momentum into an impressive summer to show the Warriors’ coaching staff that he’s ready to be a valuable role player.

The story also has a link to an interview Hyphen did with Lin last year.

Nicknames Galore: Miami Heat Edition

When LeBron announced that he was taking his talents to South Beach, we dubbed him LePippen. Yeah, it's mean. It's meant to be belittling, not because we hate LeBron (we don't), but because his announcement was a (well-documented) public relations catastrophe and a slap in the face to the community that had worshiped him since his arrival in the League.

Anyhow, most bloggers and reporters (if there's actually much of a difference these days) began searching for nicknames for the Heat, such as Miami Thrice. Miami Thrice is a stupid nickname. Regardless, these folks are missing the point: it's more fun to give nicknames to players than to teams.

Joel Anthony - Joel Anthony is in the running to be the best Canadian player in the League once Steve Nash retires. Currently, he's sitting squarely in 3rd behind Sam Dalembert. We'll call him Joel Clearly the 3rd Best Canadian Player in the NBA Anthony.

Carlos Arroyo - I always like to sing songs from Evita to my Puerto Rican friends, adapted, of course, for Puerto Rico. For some reason, the complete absurdity offends them. In an effort not to offend an entire unincorporated territory of the United States, I'll point out that Arroyo is bad at math, if this is in fact his myspace page. Other than his perceived lack of math skills, he seems pretty chill. Jason has dubbed him Froyo (not to be confused with Frodo) because Arroyo is like the basketball player version of frozen yogurt: he looks the part, and is adequate, but doesn't really taste right. Perhaps Chris Paul would be the real deal?

Patrick Beverley - #. Like the Artist formerly known as Prince, Beverley's nickname is unpronounceable. He receives the number sign or pound sign. Why? Its meaning in this situation is unknowable much like his presence on the Heat's roster. Maybe he will catch Adam Morrison in number of rings earned without playing. Beverley's roster presence may become a trivia piece in years to come.

Chris Bosh - Third Option. I still think the Bulls would have been a better pick for LeBron and Wade. They wouldn't have needed Bosh. Alternatively, the Heat should have tried for Boozer rather than Bosh. Third Option is a boring nickname for a player who will be boring to watch compared to his teammates.

Da'Sean Butler - until we find a player with the initials CCR, we will continue to give players classic rock nicknames. Da'Sean Butler receives the (perhaps not) enviable moniker The Who.

Mario Chalmers - Chalmers has the benefit of having a catchy last name. This does not mean his name is now Mario "Chalmers" Chalmers. That would be silly and we don't do silly around these parts.

Kenny Hasbrouck - If you've ever seen DC native Hasbrouck play, it was probably during his college years taking the Siena Saints to the NCAA tournament. He's not going to get much burn backing up Wade, Miller, House, and possibly LeBron at the guard spot. It's great that he's a D-League guy who made the jump to the NBA, but there's not much to work with - other than his recent DWI arrest. We'll call him Kenny the Saint because we're hipsters* who like irony, contradiction, and juxtaposition.

Udonis Haslem - While he's not America's Most Blunted (ahem, Beasley), he's short for a center, being listed at 6'8" and weighs less than LeBron. Therefore, Jason dubs him Little Man.

Eddie House - Mini-Sheed. We'll get to watch Heat fans cringe as House puts up quick, low-percentage jumpers early in the shot clock.

Juwan Howard - Coach. Father Time has been in the league since Dexter Pittman, Patrick Beverley, and Da'Sean Butler were 6 years old.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas - Big Z arrives with his nickname intact - according to most media reports, he has not shrunk. If Miami were more European or more of a backwater, we'd call him Zed. But it's not. Given Miami's division rivals, we'll call him the Lithuanian Hammer. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Mr. Overpaid Backup Center in Orlando.

LeBron James - LePippen.


James Jones - The man complains his name is too plain. However, there is numerology afoot: his number is 22; he was drafted in the second round; he has alliteration featuring two Js in his name. Ergo, Double Deuce. If his field goal percentage tanks further this year, he'll get the Jarvis Hayes treatment and be dubbed Ames Ones.

Jamaal Magloire - Mr. Irrelevant is clearly the 4th best Canadian player in the league right now.

Mike Miller - Merr. Miller is pretty much a more athletic version of Steve Kerr.

Dexter Pittman - The Pits. If Pittman is in the game, the Heat are either up by 30 points or the injury bug has ravaged the platoon of bigs.

Shavlik Randolph - Century Man. This could be the season where Randolph plays his 100th NBA game. Emphasis on could.

Dwyane Wade - D-Wade is a sad nickname. The process of essentially reading the name as it appears in the box score is a lame method of naming. But we'll stick with it... for now.

Erik Spoelstra - with a brilliant set of white chompers and a reference to a classic baseball name that has all but disappeared, we're going to call him Whitey Spo.


* We're not actually hipsters, though occasionally, we try.