1. If the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is the heart of Cleveland, what building or neighborhood best symbolizes the back of Cleveland where LeBron can plant the knife?
Former Cleveland Resident:
That would have to be the Slavic Village. Oh. I thought you said the backside of Cleveland. The backbone has to be the Cuyahoga River. We'll go with that because it has the consistency of the back fat that so many Clevelanders have, and when LeBron pulls out the knife, maybe someone will have the good sense to set his hand on fire. Where's BP when you need it?
2. In the long run, where would a potential LeBron departure rank in terms of Cleveland Sports Disasters?
Former Cleveland Resident:
I actually already ranked this today. A LeBron departure in and of itself wouldn't be so high (everyone has kinda been expecting it for two years). It would be the fact that he staged an hour-long show just to tear everyone's hearts out. In fact, there will probably be a moment, not unlike when Lisa Simpson broke little Ralph Wiggum's heart, where you could pinpoint the moment the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame starts to explode.
1. Art Modell turning the Browns into the least likable team in the NFL (and them winning a Super Bowl three years after leaving)
2. LeBronapocylapse
3(tie). The Drive
3(tie). The Fumble
5. Jose Mesa
6. The Shot
7. Any of the MLB playoff collapses to the Red Sox
8. Red Right 88
9. Delonte West meeting Gloria James
10. Ten Cent Beer Night (who am I kidding? That was great. My dad's old boss still has second base from that night in his office.)
3. What will be the term that comes to describe a LeBron departure? I.e., the "Backstab," the "Betrayal," the "Another Cleveland Sports Disaster," "Pulling an Akron."
Former Cleveland Resident:
The most public yet of our many humiliations.
Now, on to the media circus. Nearly every news outlet has been pushing some sort of LeBron story - US Magazine says LeBron is likely going to Miami because he has hotel rooms booked there this weekend; ESPN reported that LeBron is likely to stay in Cleveland and then, this morning, changed tune and states now that LeBron is going to Miami. Last week, New York was in the lead. The truth is none of these folks know where LeBron is going. It's all speculation - except for, maybe, Stephen A. Smith's prediction that the whole thing is a done deal (Smith may have insider knowledge, but also has been pretty accurate with regards to free agency). Since no one knows what LeBron is thinking, speculation becomes rumor which in turn becomes fact. Since it's the off season and there just aren't a lot of sports headlines, what would otherwise be a slow week (or two) has become a crescendo of web traffic driven by speculation and driving revenues.
As nearly everyone and their mother knows by now, LeBron has five real options: the Nets, the Knicks, the Bulls, the Heat, and the Cavs.* If he goes to the Nets, he gets the New York media market, Brook Lopez, Devin Harris, and Avery Johnson. If he goes to the Knicks, he gets the New York media market, teammate Amare Stoudemire, and an up tempo system with Mike D'Antoni. He does not get a ring unless the Knicks manage to finagle a fantastic point guard. If he goes to the Bulls, he gets a franchise-altering point guard with Derrick Rose, a defensive center in Joakim Noah, and Carlos Boozer along with new head coach and alleged defensive mastermind Tom Thibodeau. If he goes to the Heat, he gets to play alongside Dwyane Wade who is a bigger superstar in Miami and Chris Bosh who wins fans over with his sense of humor - essentially, LeBron becomes LePippen to Wade. If LeBron stays in Cleveland, he does not stab his most loyal fans in the back and he remains a big fish in a small pond while making more money than he could make anywhere else.
I'm guessing and hoping LeBron stays in Cleveland. Why? You just can't go on national TV and tear out the hearts of your most loyal fans and expect to get respect. Oh, and LeBron really likes money, which Cleveland can give more of to him, and has a massive ego (limestone bust of himself much?).
* C'mon, the Clippers? Would any serious and sane player want to be traded to the Clippers? Here are several reasons why the answer is always no: Donald Sterling, the Clippers, Vinny Del Negro, Baron Davis's inability to not shoot a contested three pointer with 18 seconds left on the shot clock, the curse of the Clippers, Donald Sterling, increased likelihood of career-crippling injury, the Clippers, and Donald Sterling. The reasons to go to the Clippers? Clippers dancers, Blake Griffin, Eric Gordon, and Chris Kaman.
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