Local hockey fan continues to watch boring television

Yes, my off-season sports chats sound like headlines from The Onion. I got called out after my last rant about the NHL Network by a facebook friend-of-a-friend. (Sad, I know. It wasn’t even a friend of my own. I have a very Charlie Brown-like existence.) But, my new FFOF pointed out that there is plenty going on in the hockey world right now to keep a fan (okay, fanatic) engaged. There have been shocking trades, the new schedules have been released, the recent NHL awards and NHL draft, and July 1 will open up free agency. She’s right. There's still plenty of action around the NHL, and the awards and draft have been broadcast on Versus. It’s not exactly the body-crushing action of watching a game every night, but it keeps things interesting. And for some reason, watching teams I mostly don’t care about draft young players I’ve never heard of is way more interesting than whatever else is on TV these days. I don’t know if that speaks to how much I love hockey, or how bad television programming is these days. Probably a little of both.

The first round of the NHL draft was Friday night and the only players I knew by name were the number one and number two draft picks: Taylor Hall and Tyler Seguin. I’ve heard plenty of speculation about which one would be chosen first, but I still have no idea which one is which. I think that Taylor is the one that turns into a werewolf and Tyler is the vampire that sparkles. Or is it the other way around? Whoever they are, you never hear about one without a mention of the other. It’s a good thing NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman was behind the podium, because the pre-packaged marketing opportunity of this rivalry must be giving him a raging hard-on. Next season the NHL can branch off from the constant comparisons between Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin. Except this Taylor/Tyler thing may be even easier for the league to exploit. I bet no one has ever had a problem telling Crosby and Ovechkin apart.

So, the 2010 NHL draft is over. The Oilers have Taylor Hall, the Bruins have Tyler Seguin, and the Maple Leafs have to live with the fact that they gave up two draft picks this year, including their shot to acquire a promising young player with a built-in marketing ploy (along with a 2011 first round pick!) to the Bruins for Phil Kessel. For last year's draft, Toronto’s GM Brian Burke tried to trade up for a shot at John Tavares (spoiler alert! His attempts were ill-fated. Tavares just finished his first season with the Islanders and did very well for them.) This year they essentially gave up one of the –ylors. Better luck next year, Toronto. Oh no, wait – you traded away your first round 2011 draft pick too. Well, better luck in 2012 then.

Now that the NHL Awards show and the draft are over, I know I can count on the NHL Network to replay them for the remainder of the summer alongside old playoff games. I wonder how many more times I'll see Kevin Connolly. I was totally not expecting to see E from Entourage announce the Islanders pick.

Jeremy Roenick is not my ex-boyfriend

While some J.B. Sports Chat bloggers were watching international sporting events, others were back home in the U.S. of A. coping with life in the off-season. I don't know what other hockey fans, NBA fans, or NFL fans watch on television, but I always catch myself flipping to the NHL Network like it's an ex-boyfriend's facebook page. I know it's over, but sometimes it's nice to check in and see if there's anything going on.

Much like my exes, the NHL Network programming has gone downhill since it ended. The Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup on June 9th and effectively played the last NHL game until the pre-season starts up in September. In between seasons, the network often replays recent playoff games, or shows classic finals games from any time during the last 40 years or so. These are hard to watch when you already know the outcome. Over the weekend, I watched something I hadn't seen before. They aired several episodes of the Pokerstars.net NHL Charity Poker Tournament. This is exactly what it sounds like - NHL stars playing poker for charity. Surprisingly, it wasn't that boring. I saw Jeremy Roenick, Mats Sundin, Eddie Olczyk, Alex Ovechkin, and many other NHL stars alongside some professional poker players. And Kevin Connelly (E from Entourage.) ?? It was like watching a competitive poker tournament, but with celebrities you recognize.

I watched the poker games pretty passively as I was multitasking at home, but I knew they were not recent because at one point Scott Hartnell (Flyers) was playing against Kris Versteeg (Blackhawks) and there was no mention of the series they just finished weeks ago. I went online to find out just how long ago the games were played, and it turns out I had been watching poker games from one year ago.

My question is this: Which is sadder, watching NHL players (and E from Entourage!) playing a year old game of poker, or stalking an ex's facebook page? Because right now, they are both feeling equally pathetic. It's time to move on, but baseball just doesn't satisfy me the way that hockey does.

Man, this relates on so many levels. I'm just going to go on with my life and thank ESPN for making poker an official sport. Maybe later this summer I can watch Chris Pronger and Chris Chelios compete in a spelling bee from 2008. Thank God for sports television networks.